There’s a saying that we “build” a family every day, just as construction workers break ground and raise buildings. But the process of creating a modern family is actually much more like merging that family with several others, as in an international architectural project where several teams of builders, architects and subcontractors work on a detailed blueprint to accomplish a grand design. This is what my wife and I have done, along with our four children, two from first marriages and two adoptive.
In the case of many families, however, the step parent is not a collaborative player, but a project manager overseeing the efforts of dad and his ex-wife.
Because of this, the step parent may not be aware of their legal rights with respect to planning and overseeing the raising of the child. The traditional roles of family members are changing, but the underlying legal protections should not be allowed to change, simply to appease the step parent who does not have a biological connection to the child.
The step parent is often a key person in the family just like the project manager is often a key person in the building process. Going beyond advising, commenting, and offering a few changes to design, the step parent/mom has a true say in the father’s life and how his children are raised.
So, the question becomes: does a step parent have legal rights? The answer is one that the project manager may not want to hear, and that is that his/her rights are typically very limited. As any experienced family law attorney will tell you, the rights of a step parent are vestige of the biological parents, and can be revoked with the stroke of a pen. For example, if the biological father saves money from each paycheck into a custodial account for the kids, then his wife has a right to oversee that money, but once he decides to stop saving that money, the custodial account is in his control.
On the international project, the boss or managing architects and builders have the right to reject certain changes, or even fire the manager. Similarly, the father can reject a modification that the step parent would like to have vis-a-vis his kids. The step parent can disagree with decisions made by the parents, and even go to court if the divorce decree explicitly states otherwise, but in most cases they have no legal right to intervene.
However, like the international project, the family and stepparents can benefit from the attempts of the entire team to communicate and work together, to avoid conflicts and problems that could prompt the lawyers to step in and sign a $100k contract to litigate an easy problem. Often divorces overlook the strong bonds created between siblings through marriage and joint(sometimes stepparent) child raising. It is the role of the divorce attorney to make sure these family dynamics don’t get torn apart when the biological bonds do.
Just as step parents and the biological parents on an international project must work together and communicate, so too that is the case on the family design. Although there is a lot of research done before getting started on an international project, that kind of research does not happen with a divorce. It is up to the responsible divorce attorney to remind the team of individuals, with their specialized and somewhat unique languages, to communicate clearly and without hostility.
In the end, the stepparent has a role that is important, but which should not replace the biological father and mother. This means that stepparents should build their own lives and families and embrace their new role, but they should not be allowed to usurp the legal rights of the biological parent, or be entangled in the mess of a messy divorce. Unless the biological parent is neglectful, dangerous, or otherwise harmful to their children, the stepparent should enjoy a healthy partnership and child raising experience. If this is not possible, the stepparent and owner of the company can explore all legal avenues, including litigation and arbitration, to resolve the dispute. But as any project manager in a true collaborative design and building process knows, this is hardly the most successful option.
For more information on family law and the rights of stepparents, you can visit Child Welfare Information Gateway.
